Desconsos Part 5: “be holy, be wild, be irreverent…”

dragonshighThe Value of experiencing my whore archetype. – not necessarily related to sex, but more around my value, my worth…

2008 was my year to get messy, to royally mess up, to be way out of integrity.

*Cup half full: It has been such a relief to stop MANAGING; Always adamant about getting complete, cleaning up, avoiding conflict, making nice.  – my friends have been begging for my bitch, my messiness, and more recently to let out Mamma Dragon – my rage, outside of the workshop setting (participating or leading)… Continue reading

Desconsos Part 4: As long as women play Dumb

The inquiry continues…

“Stupid…”

The Prove I’m Smart  & Playing Dumb mind-game.

“Stupid Idiot!” a name my mother yelled at me often growing up. (bless her heart) “Are you

stupid?”  my third grade teacher asked me, probably more of a statement than a question. Continue reading

Descansos Part 2: Weather or Not to be Bitter

“There is a time in our lives, usually midlife, when a woman has to make a decision – Possibly the most important psychic decision of her future life – about whether to be bitter or not…”
- Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., Women Who Run with the Wolves
fork-in-the-road jessica hadari

Whether to be bitter or not:

Until recently I had a Jessica-in-a-chokehold belief that I should never partner or become a parent ever again, due to my expression of anger and how it showed up in my marriage and in my parenting. Continue reading

Mamma Dragon

dragon jessica hadari

My Saturn return started exactly when I turned 29 last May 2008. A lover broke up with me suddenly, unexpectedly – the illogical and abrupt nature of the breakup hit my Adoption Button (aka: the “I’m Wrong” “I’m not enough” button) I imagine that when I was adopted I might have assessed that mommy “left me” because im Wrong, im not Enough; themes of mind chatter that have been with me for a long while. I couldn’t talk yet – so I didn’t let anyone in my adoptive family touch me for a month or so after the adoption. According to adopted Mom I literally wouldn’t let anyone touch me, for about a month…I was one year old at the time. Continue reading