Descansos Part 1: Marking the Small & Big Deaths

grief jessica hadari Descansos: Resting places. Symbols that mark a death…

A few weeks ago (around the same time a woman in my women’s circle was diagnosed with cancer) my women’s circle began the Descansos process, taken from the book Women Who Run with the Wolves. In this process I took the time (several weeks, in this case) to look at the time-line of my life birth to now and mark where the small deaths and big deaths have taken place; All of the moments in my life where I experienced impact;

Or loss;

Or where there was a fork in the road and I took one path, when I could have taken another;

Or where I experienced an event which changed the way I thought/believed about myself, the world, about men, about women… Continue reading

Mamma Dragon

dragon jessica hadari

My Saturn return started exactly when I turned 29 last May 2008. A lover broke up with me suddenly, unexpectedly – the illogical and abrupt nature of the breakup hit my Adoption Button (aka: the “I’m Wrong” “I’m not enough” button) I imagine that when I was adopted I might have assessed that mommy “left me” because im Wrong, im not Enough; themes of mind chatter that have been with me for a long while. I couldn’t talk yet – so I didn’t let anyone in my adoptive family touch me for a month or so after the adoption. According to adopted Mom I literally wouldn’t let anyone touch me, for about a month…I was one year old at the time. Continue reading