my Forgiveness / Clearing Letter to a friend
Where I have been inauthentic:
In our relationship: I have been insecure, endlessly needy for love & for reassurance, resentful, blameful. Thinking I’m not good enough
The impact this has:
I am never satisfied, attached, shut down, dominating, I feel afraid and small. I don’t feel close to you.
The new Possibility I want to invent for myself and my life:
Being Accepting, being Open, being Fun, being Lighthearted, being a Supportive/a good friend,
Loving my Life, being Self Loving…
What I came to the landmark Forum to accomplish is:
To gain insight into my finances; my relationship w/ Shayen; my fear and mistrust of you.
What I am actually accomplishing is:
Seeing the ways I do not take responsibility for parts of myself I have decided to hate & ways of being I have decided to hate.
Gaining awareness around the ways I have myself be dissatisfied… with everything.
~ ~ ~
I have been making you wrong for my imagining of you not wanting me
I have been incomplete in accepting you, forgiving you,
dropping my finger-pointing towards you, & dropping my feeling sorry for me
I have been jealous of your charisma
I have been resenting you for my story that you are not giving me enough; affection, depth, sharing, attention
I so regret that I am blameful in my communication w/ you, that I have been cutting you off, pushing you away, holding you at arms length, that I give you ultimatums in my head even though you have been open to me.
I am embarrassed that you are seeing these parts of me and these ways that I am being.
~ ~ ~
I give up my righteousness toward you. I give up my unskillful attempts to top you. I give up my insecurity and my story of not being wanted by you
I commit to loving and having you as an ally
I offer you that I will be your friend, no matter what we choose together for our relationship
I request your compassion.
& I invite you to Knock Gently and Draw me out when I am not Letting You In…
