The Value of experiencing my whore archetype. – not necessarily related to sex, but more around my value, my worth…
2008 was my year to get messy, to royally mess up, to be way out of integrity.
*Cup half full: It has been such a relief to stop MANAGING; Always adamant about getting complete, cleaning up, avoiding conflict, making nice. – my friends have been begging for my bitch, my messiness, and more recently to let out Mamma Dragon – my rage, outside of the workshop setting (participating or leading)… it has actually Served me to get out of integrity, to show my shadow and let people in on the secret (that I’m not perfect.) The friends who understood the benefit of allowing myself to get messy, I think now trust me and love me more. I experience their unconditional love and I have more capacity to hold others unconditionally.
*Cup half empty: In my messiness I have caused people I love a lot of pain. The ones who didn’t understand how necessary it was for my soul-growth to get messy, got hurt. Some of my messiness was conscious, some unconscious. The unconscious messiness hurt me too.
In the past I have explored archetypes of The Sacred Slut, The Courtesan. Earlier this year I slithered into exploring the 2 Bit Ho. Some of the exploration was conscious: a purposeful delving into the shadow side of relating and sex. Some of the exploration was unconscious, i.e. I formed surface “reasons” for why I was making the decisions I made – Compromising. Doing things that were not aligned with what I really wanted, or doing things I had resolved previously not to do – and in two instances involved me not telling the whole truth. More than Yikes.
Though I no longer feel the drawn, need or benefit to exploring messiness, or shadow in ways that compromise me or hurt others it has been a wild ride to be a lot wild …And in allowing myself to do so I was forced to feel, and feel, and Feel and FEEL! – The ground of my Being has cleaved and the universe has come Flooding in
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“The real work of this life is to be passionate, be holy, be wild, be irreverent, to laugh and cry until you awaken the sleeping spirits, until the ground of you being cleaves and the universe comes flooding in”
~Geneen Roth
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